Good listeners know their filters

Posted: October 30, 2013 | Categories: Leadership, Team Building

Remember the game of telephone?  Most of us played it at birthday parties when we were of grade school age.  We all gathered in a circle as the leader or host whispered some silly phrase in the first person’s ear.  The first person whispered the message to the one on his right and the pattern continued until the message had gotten all around the circle.  The only rule was that the message could not be repeated.  You heard it once, and that was it.  When the last person to hear the phrase was asked to identify the message, there were always plenty of laughs.  The message was usually quite different from the original.

In teamwork, just like the game of telephone, communication can get distorted as it is passed along.

One challenge we have is the practice of “filtering”.  When we are listening, we process what we hear through a series of filters.  Age, race, gender, our life experiences, and where we were raised can affect the way we receive the message.  For example, I am 64 years old.  If you were preparing to give me a sales presentation, the questions you ask and what you say might be different from what you would say to someone in their mid 20’s.  That is just one filter example.  There are many others.  People in the south tend to talk slower, women may be more empathetic and relationship oriented, and so on…

Here’s a story for you.  Many years ago, there was a sports hero known for his ability to put his teammates first.  The New York Press Association took note, and elected him as the top athlete of the year.  He refused to accept this prestigious award unless his entire team received the same award.  He was on the Buffalo Bills.  His jersey number was 32.  Yes, his name was O.J. Simpson.  This is a great leadership example.  I used to use it frequently.  I don’t any more for concern that my listeners will devalue the example when they hear who it is.

We all have filters and we all filter.  Sometimes that is good, while other times it gets in the way of receiving the message.  To be a better listener and good communicator, we need to understand our filters and those of others.  This will help keep the barriers down and the conversations flowing.