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What is charisma?
Do we know what “charisma” is? I thought I did until I heard the most boring definition of charisma I have ever heard. The definition came in two words: “Paying attention”. That’s charisma? After much pondering, I think the author was right.
A little over 30 years ago, I was visiting with the manager of a large hotel. He was talking about his favorite all-time guest – President George H.W. Bush (Bush 41). Jim (the hotel manager) knew President Bush loved tennis, and Jim had a custom racquet made just for the President. (Racquets were made of wood in those days). Jim presented the racquet to the President, and he was thrilled. He immediately began carefully studying the racquet and took note of the details in workmanship and materials. The President took the time to study the gift and appreciate all the effort that was put in to it. How was the President able to do this? Aren’t Presidents too busy? Mr. Bush made the time to demonstrate the important value to him. If you were to ask Jim if he thought President Bush had charisma, I am confident he would say yes…emphatically.
After I heard Jim tell this story, I reflected on some times when someone had done something special for me, and gone out of their way. In particular, I thought of this old rocking chair I sat in as a toddler. My brother-in-law, Ron had done a beautiful job refinishing the chair and surprised me with it during a visit to his home. At first, I didn’t recognize the chair, and then it all came to mind. Even though I thanked Ron for the gift, I could have spent much more time looking it over and commenting on his special work. I regret that I did not.
Here is my advice. If you are given something special that someone put their heart and soul in to, SLOW DOWN!. Pat attention. Take the time. You’ll be glad you did. That’s charisma!
Laughter: A minimum daily requirement
Mark Twain once said, “A sense of humor is a sense of proportion.” If that maxim were true in the 19th century, it must be even truer today. We live in a world full of tension. It goes from global to family gatherings. Whether it be health, finances, or relationships, our thoughts can take a downward turn if we are not careful. I have found that a good, “laugh-at-life” sense of humor can often take the tension out of many human interactions that are headed south. There are numerous examples I could use to illustrate this quality. I will share my favorite:
In the spring of 1999, I went to a travelling baseball team tournament with my son David. My parents came along. My father had recently been treated for skin cancer, and it was necessary for him to wear a hat. I must say it was the ugliest “floppy hat” I have ever seen. Dad went to fill up his car. Afterwards he headed for the snack shop to buy a cool drink. As he approached the window, the lady behind the counter snapped, “We’re closed!”, and abruptly shut the window. Rather than becoming angry at being treated so rudely, Dad calmly asked,”Was it the hat that did it?”. The woman immediately began to laugh, opened up the window, and waited on my father. Afterwards she said, “Thanks for brightening my day”.
As I reflect on this story I suspect the woman behind the counter was stressed about something in her life, and the last thing she wanted to do was interact with some old man wearing an ugly hat. Dad’s humor was like medicine to her soul, and a tense situation was turned around into a memorable experience.
Knowing where we stand breeds open communication
There are certain things that irritate us. They just do. We know what those things are. Do others?
Whenever someone is saying or doing something in a way that angers us, that is not good for teamwork and good communication. Here is an example:
Beth is a bookkeeper at a community bank. Her job requires that she manage projects that are time sensitive. Sometimes her supervisor gets twitchy as the deadlines approach. As a result he starts to nag Beth about getting it done. That is not so bad. There are times when most of us need a little nudge. Here’s the problem: Beth prides herself in knowing priorities and making every deadline In Beth’s mind the nag from Nick interrupted her focus, and aggravated her. She decided to address this frustration with Nick. She detailed what he was doing and how it affected her ability to do her job. At this point, Nick knew. That left him with two choices: Either keep nagging so that he could upset Beth, or stop nagging and allow her to enjoy her work with better focus. Nick chose to back off. That’s a “win-win”.
I’ll bet there are things people do or say that make your work more difficult. Consider addressing the other person in a friendly way. Explain the behavior that offends you and how it makes you feel. Then request that they refrain from said activity. Keep your team running smoothly.
Good thinking leads to better voice tone
A couple weeks ago a client requested that I write a blog on “tone of voice”. I liked the idea. How many relationships or business deals suffer because of our tone of voice? Our tone can convey joy, frustration, impatience, condescension, and sometimes hostility. With all that said, how do we maintain better control over the tenor of what we say? It may start with the quality of our thinking. Here’s an example:
Last summer I went to start our tractor mower, and discovered the lightshad be left on and the battery was dead. I immediately realized what happened. My wife was the last one to mow the lawn, and when she turned the mower off, she left the lights on. I decided to stop and tell Joyce what had happened. When I told her I would tell she was a little hurt. I quickly figured out that she resented my tone. She thought I sounded condescending. She was right. That’s because as I spoke I was thinking it was a pretty dumb thing to do. That is what I was thinking, and my attitude leaked into my tone of voice. It almost always does for all of us, and when this happens, it affects how our message comes across.
As I thought about what I had just said and how I said it, I took a step back and did some reflecting. I realized that I had not properly instructed Joyce on how to turn off the mower. I apologized and got myself back on track.
In his book, “The Magic of Thinking Big”, David J. Schwartz talks about “Thinking right about people”. When we are thinkng right about others, we can improve our tone, and also our communication effectivenes.
Make a good first impression
When I was a senior in high school, my sociology class conducted a group discussion. The question was: “Do clothes make the man?” I had no idea what the teacher meant. How ridiculous! Clothes don’t make the man…Character does! What that doesn’t take into account is first impressions. How long do first impressions last? Sometimes forever. How quick do we form first impressions? Answer: About 30 seconds.
With all these points rattling in my mind, I decided to do an experiment: It was about 30 years ago, and I was on a business trip in Springfield, Illinois. I was calling on some key clients and I was looking my best. I wore my favorite suit, my hair was well groomed, and I stopped at a fast food restaurant for a sandwich. I received a smile and a warm greeting from the person who took my order.
The next day as I was preparing to leave town, I intentionally put on grubby clothes -very grubby! I wore a threadbare flannel shirt and old torn blue jeans. I also hadn’t bothered to come my hair. I approached the same fast food restaurant I had the day before and ended up with the same person. When I walked up she did not smile and asked in a monotone, “Can I help you?” When she brought back my order she just handed me the tray and said nothing. Didn’t she recognize me? Apparently not.
This experience taught me the power of making a good 1st impression. Comb your hair, shine your shoes, and look your best. You will help establish instant credibility and make a better first impression.