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Category: Self-Improvement
How thoughtfulness helps credibility
If we could read people’s minds, we would always know what kind of first impression we were making. Since most of us can’t read minds, I would like to tell you one quality that I look for in a person right away…THOUGHTFULNESS.
Many years ago, there was a quiz show called, “To Tell the Truth”. They would present three people who all claimed to be the same person. It was usually a famous person whose face we had not seen – like Dr. Seuss.
The TV show would begin with each person introducing themselves by saying, “My name is _______”. Of course, they all said the same name. A celebrity panel would ask questions designed to ascertain who the real (Dr. Seuss) was. After the questions, the game host would conclude by stating: “Will the real _______stand up”.
I enjoyed the show and became quite good at it. In most cases, I beat the fancy panel. What was my secret? Look for thoughtfulness. The fake candidates would be quick to respond thinking they would reflect more confidence and credibility. The real candidate would often pause before answering, since they were obligated to tell the truth.
What I learned watching that show applies so much to today. We don’t always have to respond quickly. Some questions require more thought than a simple reaction, and taking our time does not necessarily reflect a lack of confidence. We can make a better impression, and that gives us better listeners by not responding so quickly,
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To build your dream team…remember this
Now that we are into football season, we have our eye on our favorite team, and we may even have our own fantasy football league. Yes, football is a nice pastime. We also want to win!
A championship team needs competent people who know how to work as a team. If you are a coach or in leadership and you know how to select the right people and get them to work together as a team, there are probably a lot of people who want to talk to you. Let’s talk about selecting the right people. Author Patrick Lencioni gives us a simple, reliable model about how to do this in his book, “The Ideal Team Player”. Here are the three qualities:
HUMBLE
HUNGRY
SMART
Humble means “refraining from boasting and minimizing personal accomplishments in favor of building others” Hungry means the individual has an eager desire to excel and make a contribution to the championship. Smart means the person knows how to work well with others.
It is nice if we can hire a person who is strong in all three of these qualities. Since such folks tend to be the top “draft picks”, we often have to settle for 2 of the 3. Patrick Lencioni tells us that if we only have 2 of the three, choose “eager” or “smart” as the weakest. Getting someone to be humble can be very difficult and time consuming since the cause of it often is from an insecurity from the past. If we need someone to be more motivated or have better people skills, leaders help build that all the time. The most important thing is to get the right people on your team from the beginning, and make sure they are humble!
Build the mindset of a winning team
I am an executive coach, and for over 40 years I have worked with companies and organizations to build highly-productive, winning teams. Top-notch teams are disciplined, unselfish, and hard-working. They rarely find themselves in a petty conflict. If a team wants to be the best, they have no time for such things.
As I help teams get to the highly-productive status, I coach both one-on-one and in groups. Progress needs to be measured, and one metric I use is in my one-on-one coaching calls. I always note the amount of time we spend in advancement and goal achievement, and I also identify the reason a coaching call gets bogged down. 80% of the coaching conversation should be accountability and creativity on the action plan.
When I start working with someone, the majority of the call time deals with problems with communication and personal conflict. We know how important those two factors can be. The most common reason for this is a couple of team members who are not team players. This problem must be resolved. In many cases this is a training issue. Some folks need to learn interpersonal skills. They must be willing to admit the gap, and commit to improving. Sadly, there are situations where inflexible team members are not humble enough to admit their shortcomings. These individuals are much less likely to change, and the sooner they are off the team, the better.
A winning team consists of people committed to always getting better. Remember the maxim, “Get better or get beat”!
Start on time…end on time
Early in my career, I worked for a leadership training company. One of my responsibilities was sellling training. I would set up 1/1 meetings with the decision-makers to determine their needs and look to uncover areas where we could make them more profitable from improved team performance.
I remember one of my sales calls that taught me a valuable lesson; When I am on a call, it is my responsibility to manage my time AND the decision-maker’s I am talking to. Here is how the call went: The boss and I had agreed on a 1-hour meeting. That was fine. I began my asking questions designed to discover what he needed and why it was important to him. The conversation was going well. He was engaged and on a roll. When we came close to the end of the hour mark, I continued to let him talk (not wanting to interrupt). He ran 15 minutes over our agreed upon time. No problem, right? Since he was talking it didn’t make any difference, right? WRONG! We manage the clock. We scheduled a follow-up meeting and he criticized me for running longer than we agreed to. But,but,but…Sorry, it was my fault.
As you can imagine, that hurt a little bit. I asked my mentor for advice. The advice he gave me I never forgot and alsways used. Here is what he said:
“Steve, if you agree to a specific meeting length and you get to the end and they are still rolling, stop and say, “Jake it sounds like we have found an area where I believe I can help you. We are currently at the end of the time we agreed upon for this meeting I have allowed some extra time if you would like to continue. Otherwise, we can set a follow-up meeting and continue this discussion.”
I remembered Joe’s advice and from that time on, I did not have the problem again, and the quality of my calls improved.
Accountability is keeping our word
What happens when we “bite off more than we can chew”? We have to face the music.
When I was in 5th grade, I played the trumpet. The band teacher had planned a recital to be performed in front of the whole school. I was asked to play a specific piece, and I accepted the assignment. I did so with little knowledge of the song. That was a mistake.
As I began practicing the piece, it quickly became clear that the song was very hard and beyond my skill level. I kept trying and things seemed to be getting worse. Not wanting to make a fool of myself in front of the whole school audience, I decided to back out. Before I bailed I told my mom. She didn’t cut me any slack, and said, “Stephen, you gave that man your word and you must keep your word.” I replied, “But mom, I’ll make a fool of myself.” Mom responded, “Well I guess you”ll just have to make a fool of yourself. If you commit to something, you must follow through.”
The day of the dreaded event came, and I still couldn’t play the piece. With no alternative, I got my mind in the right place, and began by handing the accompanist her part. I let mind my mind float into another zone. I played the song beautifully and to perfection. I could’t believe what was coming out of that horn.
Thanks to Mom for challenging me to be a person on my word. When we do what we say we will do, we gain confidence and earn respect. A leader guides someone to a place they would not go on their own.